It's funny, sometimes I just want to start over and make a brand new me from scratch with no hang ups or setbacks or interesting quirks. I want to smoke weed like no bodies business and for the first time in the five years since I last smoked weed I don't give a shit anymore and am going to quit fooling myself into believing it's a big deal if I do. I know its not, so why spend so much fucking energy trying to convince a world that doesn't care - aka i care- that it is? I made a honey bong the other day, not for me, for a friend and this friend smoked weed in my living room and I politely declined and it was fine and no big deal but when I came back from taking this friend wherever I took them I found myself unfolding the tinfoil and looking for scraps. Now maybe that's a bad sign but really what it tells me is that I'm thirty goddamn almost one years old- next month thank you very much- and in the past I have done so many things to prove to the world that I really am broken, and I really need help, exaggerating circumstances, lying to teachers, laying down yarns, and really for what? A shoulder to cry on?
But this isn't about weed because I'm not going to smoke weed because I'm too poor and too lazy and because this is about me just loosening the fuck up and maybe I do want to go sit in silence in the desert with strangers and meditate for 10 days and thats alright. Maybe I'm susceptible to cults and fads and eat too much chocolate and talk in baby talk to my cats and it's no ones goddamn business but my own. And I'm saying that to me, not you, because you probably never cared in the first place how I talked to my cats.
Just show me Jesus, on this good day after your great return, show me how to be because I'm doing it wrong.
An excerpt:
12. There is a product on the market called the MOMET Plus. It measures moisture in houseplants, specifically orchids, to help them grow. More famously, MOMET is an acronym for the Ministry of Mines Environment Tourism in Zimbabwe, a company that regulates sound pollution from explosions.
13. Zimbabwe is a place that makes me feel ashamed to have grief, a place where my suffering seems insignificant and self-indulgent. People say, “but it’s all relative,” but I don’t think that’s true. I think that’s an excuse we use to do nothing and still feel bad and then I think, maybe I don’t hate women after all, maybe I still just hate men. But I never hated you. Perhaps we can play the Sound of Silence so loud it cancels out the sound of exploding mines and the MOMET would no longer be needed. Perhaps if I hold a piece of sky colored paper to the sky it would no longer be blue but invisible; would that piece of paper be the loudest thing on earth? Can it transform? Maggie, you asked, in the dark is a blue couch blue?
There is an Art Sale at workspace this Sunday , it's a fundraiser for the gallery. Five Points is having an amazing reading. Come, buy art, listen, be merry. click here for more info
Here are some of the beautiful things that are going to be on sale. Artist names and titles can be found by clicking the link. I will be making two mix tapes that are being sold as a pair. They are hand made in my home, on my living room floor on the same tape deck I've had since high school. Each one comes with a track list, a poem and a collage insert. They are 40 bones.
