Debbie Does Daylight Savings

Holy guacamole. Satan on a cracker. Two snaps and a butt plug, well look at this here. It's been two months since I blogged. What can I say? I lost interest, had developed a loving following of supportive grownups, well, grownups about thirty years my senior- see below post- and honestly, I couldn't drag myself into the place where I wanted to wait ten minutes for one picture to upload at a time. Even right now I struggle to finish this sentence. All I've had the stamina for these past few months is my internet boyfriend Michael K over at Dlisted, my TV boyfriend Jesse Pinkman over on AMC and TV links and Gawker to snort and half smile at Kimmy K's divorce and Baby Bieber's baby mamma drama. But why, you ask- no, I know you really don't- well, mostly I've been working on this PHD application that is like pulling my brain out of my ear, you know, like the Egyptians with the brain jars and the mummy organs? Like that. So that's that. I will now proceed to post random images and share with you the rainbow slide show of what you've been missing (nothing, I promise). Also, my computer says it's 9:30 but it feels like it's 10:30. Just when I thought i couldn't feel any more ancient.
First up is Halloween. I was Chairy and Nick was Larry. We were Larry and Chairy.




I painted my yard chairs blue and have been working on my garden. It's a peaceful endeavor.



Nick's friend Alex came into town because his movie was screening at the AFI fest and omg it's soooo good. You should definitely go see it. It's called the Color Wheel.

Biz had a birthday! xoxox






And so did Daniel! (he's in his Halloween costume)

Kate and I started the fourth season of 5 Points and this Sunday is the second reading in! Come by and check it out:

Halloween friend update:

Heather killed it.

Also, also, could Charlotte and her man friend BE any cooler? I am so in love with this woman. Tejas I'll see you soon.
Okay, goodnight sweet internet prince. I'm back? Let's never be torn apart again!

All My Friends Are Dead- A message from our sponsors

Hi! Howdy! How goes it, mom, grandma, pops, boyfriend's mom, mom's best girlfriend, family members and other various oldsters? How were the sixties? Pretty great, huh? Yeah, I had some dreams, but they were just clouds in my coffee. Oh you guys get that reference, don't you? Of course you do, it's Carly Simon, she wrote kids books you bought me in the 80's and sang songs you saw in person with dad and you know, she's great, huh? I know you and Nora and Gail and Tom down at the golf course yuck it up about the good old days quite a bit. What about that time you all took the kids to Tahoe and got drunk on that bottle of red wine Barry brought from Mendochino? Man, he was so smug on that trip because he had just done that small walk on part in Thirty Something and remember no matter how hard you tried to get the kids to pass out so you could all hit the hot tub they just wouldn't? Gee, that was a good time. Amy kept coming downstairs to say she was thirsty, oh man, those were the days. Miss those early 80's, yup. Oh, I'm sorry, what am I doing here on Nikki's blog? What? Oh how did I get here? Wow, sorry, I must of been in a fugue state where I thought she took the 'Stay Out!' sign off her bedroom door. Whoops, my bad, I'll just mosey on out of here because I'm an OLDSTER.

Look, I get it, I'm an adult, but seriously, if you're in your 60's and at one time in your life you screamed at me to shut up, put my seat belt back on, and then handed me a bottle of water and a zip lock bag full of grapes PLEASE, STOP READING MY BLOG!!! New rule, if you were born between 1945 and 1955 and you've met me in person, please, visit The Hairpin, or perhaps, Rookie, both fine blogs that the hip kids read. Lots of jokes and tokes.
This goes for Facebook too. Don't you get it mom and dad? Your kids don't want to be Facebook friends with you. STOP ASKING. It's not because we don't love you, it's because we do. Look, the internet, it was ours first, obviously you're welcome here, but until a few years ago it was a bit like being under the bleachers and smoking a joint. It felt big and small at the same time and it was inclusive and safe. We could be ourselves and we didn't have to watch our back because you were watching Masterpiece Theatre and yelling at me to get a job. Now it feels like the PE teacher is trying to climb under the bleachers with us and is telling lame jokes and lighting the pipe with a gag lighter shaped like a dildo, its weird and uncomfortable, because you know, he's the PE teacher. That's what this is like now. Before grandpa sent me horrible political forwards and mom didn't know what an e-card was. I could be a public person because no one knew me on the internet. My blog started in 2006 in my Brooklyn bedroom and it was me and million strangers. I didn't give a crap about who read my blog because there was no chance in hell I would ever meet them. I appreciate that it has a large following and has grown over the years- no matter how much that continues to baffle my mind because it still feels like the majority of what I post is inane navel gazing, lady versions of he's hot and fart jokes- this thing also sort of acts as my website now, maybe it's time to get a real one of those, who knows. But that's kind of the other point, this lil bloggy blog is how I present myself to the world, editors and such, it's written in a persona, dontcha know? Even this post! Talk about meta, right? And I don't want to have to worry about offending you or embarrassing myself because no matter how much you say you do, you really don't know what that means. The whole persona thing. It's the same reason you aren't allowed to read my fiction, dad, because you automatically think it's about you. Even when the character is a twelve year old blind girl with tourettes. And that's the entire point on top of a bagel toasted point, I don't want to have to think about thinking about you when I'm you know, creating or whatever. It's great that writing from this here lil blog has even been anthologized. I love it! But mom, dad, it's kind of like my internet journal. Nothing on here is private, but boundaries, yo. It's seriously made it less fun and I feel kind of dorky and embarrassed having to hear that other members of my family and or spiritual extended love ones, recent and otherwise, read it. I mean, Schadenfreude, doods! ever hear of it? Obviously I can't stop you from reading my blog, no? But maybe I can stop you from talking to me about it? Possibly? That's the other thing, guys, the internet, it's sort of like those Vegas commercials, you know the ones, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? Yeah, like that. No one actually talks about their blogs face to face. You talk about blow jobs, new tea at Whole Foods and trying to save money to buy a vintage couch on Craigslist. So you know, shhh.
The internet is littered with the carcasses of dead blogs, sad lonely blogs aging in the wind. I will bet dollar to doughnuts I know why.
Love- really, honestly, tons of love-, bratty brat face, who do I think I am, ungrateful smart alek, too big for my britches, narcissistic, you're no spring chicken yourself Miss 31 and getting older, Nicole

Here, this ones for you guys, I know you like the Willy J.
Actually, an amendment. If you can name the person below without doing a google image search, you can still read my blog. xo

Dillatude

This is Gena the Crocodile, from a Russian children's show created in 1969. "He sings about celebrating his birthday, regardless of the rain because birthdays only come once a year." Thanks Nick for introducing him to me!
After the hippopotamus click here!, my favorite animal is probably a lizard followed close behind by crocodiles and alligators. I just love their little fancy faces and dilla-tude. Plus they are just unbelievably cute. Look at this little fellow: Why hello!

Lyle, love! <3

This is my favorite alligator at the LA Zoo. I think he might be the only alligator at the LA Zoo actually. He was rescued from an alligator farm in Florida. Photo by Davida.

Sneaky sneakers! Hide your hippos!

Fiesta de la Sausage 2011!

OMG CAN YOU BELIEVE IT HOLY CANOLI ITS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN!!! That's right, it's sausage fest. That inane tradition I insist on keeping alive despite the fact that probably no one reads it. Actually I have stat counter now you little devils and I know that a lot of you do! Which continually surprises me. In any event, to visit past sausages click here (2010) and here (2009) and here (2008) and here here (2007). Well without further adieu, let us begin with this years Fiesta De La Sausage! Enjoy!
John Cameron Mitchell!

Look at this adorable face. I want to eat it.

I can quite honestly tell you that if I had been at the above concert and seen that performance I would have died or fainted or been sobbing so uncontrollably that people would have thought it was 1964 and I was watching the Beatles. That is how much this clip blows my mind. In fact as I was watching it just now it made me cry again. It gets wacky ridiculous at the two minuet mark.


This year's first honorary sausage goes to John Cameron Mitchell. A true story: I don't get star struck, I get goofy or excited if I see a sort of famousy person I really admire- I usually just make a fool out of myself and say something embarrassing, but I very rarely am so struck by someone, so afraid of them based solely on who they are as an artist that I tremble with fear at ever having to meet them. John Cameron Mitchell is one of the few I feel this way about. Last year at Workspace he came to an event and I was so frightened of him that I just left. Daniel laughed and tried to get me to talk to Mr. Mitchel but it was all too much and I got very serious and ran away, I think in turn sort of freaking or weirding Daniel out. Anyway, JCM's voice is one of the most heavenly sounds on earth- I could listen to it every day, it's powerful and confident yet reassuring and warm- and Hedwig is one of the most beautiful films I have ever seen. I sat in the theatre and balled my eyes out. I thought, if there's a man out there that can write this most thoughtful story about the universal human condition then art has a purpose. Dork! Party of me, it's true, but really this retired theatre nerd misfit fell in love. Truly, honestly, I feel sort of weird even making him a sausage. He is such a truly beautiful human. Check out my 'poopy day' link in the blogroll. Another true story: I once took a package to Cyndi Lauper at her home in Los Feliz and I couldn't look her in the eyes.

Donald Glover!



Donald Glover is liquid sexy. Actually he's the holy trifecta: smart, supper funny and hot. He was a writer on the three funniest seasons of 30 Rock and won an Emmy for the Funcooker episode. He left the show though to do Community. Maybe the best show on TV. If you haven't seen it yet all I have to say is this: Paintball. Watch it and you shall understand. Anyway, the entire cast is littered with the best kind of sexy beasts; the ones with brains and timing. It already stars former sausage and patron saint and protector of the blog, Chevy Chase and our very next sausage who you will be introduced to shortly below. Here's to Donald Glover!

This interview was done right before he started shooting Community and was still just a network writer NYU funny guy nerd. ps, Those dudes were always so annoying and at the Grey Dog coffee shop hogging up all the tables and talking about how they almost got into Yale and where they were going to do standup that weekend and gossiping about Conan O Brian like they knew him. Or old SNL's or how Chris Parnell is underrated or some shiz. They are probably in my estimation the New York equivalent of the Los Angeles struggling actor.

Sweet Delicious Joel Mchale!


I first fell in love with Joel Mchale while I was a nanny in New York around 2005. Often I would get called to evening babysit which basically consisted of eating other people's food and watching their cable on their nice expensive couches. It was on one of these nights that I first discovered The Soup, Mankini, Lou the chihuahua and Clip of the Week. Joel Mchale continues to be one of the sexiest things on two legs and makes each episode of the Soup and now Community, the funniest things on earth. He's almost been a sausage the past two years but always was pushed out by someone else at the last minute. Not this year, this year Joel, your sausage shall shine.


Handsome, stoic Gordon Mcrae!



I've been thinking about Gordon Mcrae a lot lately. One of the characters in my novel is sort of based on him- in part, him the actor in Hollywood, and him his characters in his Rodger's and Hammerstein movies.
Anyway, I always felt there was something kind and understated about him. His voice is also up there with some of my favorite male voices- I was a musical theatre major at my art high school- in the 90's btw and I do not like Glee, so don't ask- Anyway, when I was little my mom was weird and instead of letting me watch current cartoons like a normal kid she bought the entire Rodger's and Hammerstein collection, old 1950's Disney Mickey Mouse cartoons and Little Lulu's and Felix The Cat cartoons. So I blame her mostly for making me an old timey weirdo. Anyway, Gordon was one of my first little kid crushes. Look at his face. Doesn't his face just look warm?

Literary sausages! These two men have had the most influence on my novel aside from Margaret Atwood. I've reread their classics in the last two months trying to dig inside their brains.
Henry David Thoreau

"I have heard of a man lost in the woods and dying of famine and exhaustion at the foot of a tree, whose loneliness was relieved by the grotesque visions with which, owing to bodily weakness, his diseased imagination surrounded him, and which he believed to be real. So also, owing to bodily and mental health and strength, we may be continually cheered by a like but more normal and natural society, and come to know that we are never alone."
The most philosophical of sausages.

Nathanael West!
The greatest novel ever written about Hollywood:
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Getting serious with an actor on set. I can't decide what's cooler about Nathanael West, the persistent myth that he died in a car crash on his way to his good friend F. Scott Fitzgerald's funeral- he did not, he died a few days earlier but it's such a great Hollywood rumor- that he wrote for Hollywood during that brief but splendid period when other writers such as William Faulkner, Fitzgerald and James M. Cain worked there, or that he was a terrific dandy AND slob. I don't know. I love Nathanael West.


Cary Fukunaga!!!!!!

Sweet Jebus this man is hot. He's a writer and a director and if you haven't seen the Jane Eyre that came out in 2011 SEE IT! It's the best Jane Eyre ever made and stays true to the book, capturing all the gothic greatness that earlier versions didn't convey. Also his first film Sin Nombre was about Mexican immigrant gang members. Can you say swoon? SO IN LOVE.

this intervierer is pretty dense but he looks hot.



Adorable Diego Luna!
Homeboy is just cute. And I love his movies. Milk, Y Tu Mama Tambien, Mister Lonely.






And rounding out this years sausages, who better than the entire Clash!? You know what guys? I too am so bored with the USA.

Network Interruption

I will be bz for the next few weeks and blogging erratically. I will be back in full force at the end of the month with the 2011 winners of this years Sausage Fest. In the meantime, warm your heart to this little ditty here.
Namaste.

Author Photo

seriously, isn't this such a good author photo? all you need to know about katzban is in this pic. now someone, publish his book!
Also, if you would like to follow the poetic adventures of katzban, you need only click here.

The Bluest Eye

Who said you could talk so much?