Friday, October 30, 2009

Time isn't holding us, time isn't after us

I didn't take these photos, I yanked them from Heather's facebook profile, whatevs. But I wanted to post them because a) they illustrate quite clearly why HeeHaw is one of the greatest humans on earth and two- yes i rock letters and numbers together when making points- and two, they made me realize how much my life has changed in just the year and couple months since I've been away from the east coast. Halloween is quite the big deal in NY and it also served as a wonderful time to leave town and hit the road and see some nature. The landscape is different. And with nature being such a rare and welcome sight in the city, natural nature not manicured street mediums, that when you see it in it's dog given glory, it's a wonderful feeling of celebration and freedom. You've managed to escape the dadaist ridiculousness of the pulsing vibrating city, which really odes after awhile start to feel like a living, breathing thing all on its own. I miss NY and the smallness of the east coast, get on a bus and be in what feels like a different world in two hours, hop on the train and be in another state. It's not quite that easy out here. But what I have come to appreciate about the west coast, which I don't think I fully grasped until I left and returned, is the openness, the freedom, the possibility of getting lost, actually lost. Dying in the desert or driving over an hour and not seeing a single car. Despite all the strip malls and ugliness that are slowly encroaching on this distinct landscape, there is still the feeling of impossibility and wildness, unhinged mania that creeps around the edges of this place. And I love it.
Be safe, happy Halloween!!!!!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Eyes of a Stranger

When I was in high school I thought love was this flower that was asleep inside my heart and that when I met the right person it would open, like they would shine and it would bloom. At the risk of sounding cheesy, when I closed my eyes in high school and thought about life it looked like this. A literal flower. I was a really intense, emotional, self destructive kid. I say kid because anyone younger than twenty is a kid to me now. I still feel like that person sometimes. Certain people I meet bring it out and it's just the most shocking feeling. Like a ghost limb I lost in some heartsick war that I manged to amputate in order to survive. I feel it twitch and its this intense dislocating feeling. In a way every day that I wake up and shower and make my bed and try to eat at least one fruit and one vegetable and smile and not be moody and shake peoples hands and nod and not engage in terribly inappropriate enmeshing conversations with people, is a day I feel like i'm going through the grownup motions. Because it is, but its best that way, for me, and for the people in my life. So to meet an equally disjointed person who you instantly recognise as going through the motions, is weird. Weather it be in friendship or love. It's scary and I want to run. Even though every fiber of my being says GO ALL THE WAY.
Anyway, I don't act on these impulses, rarely ever. I like my life the way it is, I pay my bills, go to school, hang out with friends, see my shows and turn my work in on time and meet my deadlines.
The world is filled with missed connections, paths in the universe that somehow never crossed. If I had known you when I was twenty-five, if we had been friends in high school, if I had seen you looking down from the balcony of the mall. If you had lent me quarters for the pac man machine, that even in 1996 was retro. If I bought you an iced tea on melrose at the punk rock store.
But all these criss crossed moments through the universe are only that, missed moments and I wake up and do the motions knowing that the world is filled with people just like me and sometimes we pass each other and it feels like lightning.
But ultimately, now, I'm too grown up and no amount of feeling high is worth not feeling clean.
ps. I want a time machine so I can go to 1983 and ride the alpine slide at action park. thanks katie! i'm obsessed now! click here to read about americas most dangerous theme park. now closed. god this place looks like it ruled!
"It's like coming to Broadway, it's wonderful." YESSS!!!! Tacky old NJ grandma, YESSS!!!!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Totally the best band in LA right now

shit, this is soooo goood.

Friday, October 23, 2009


So a couple things have inspired today's post. One I'm at school waiting to meet with my students to go over their essays that are due next week and I have alot of time to blow, two I finally finally after three years of doing this here darn blog, installed a stat counter. Wow, was it eye opening. First off waaaaaaaay more people read the blog than I thought. Most of them are coming from Jessica's website and Jezebel. Which hey, is way cool. I'm totes flattered. Also, from places like Minnesota and Seattle?! Vhat? Boston, Alex is that you? Awesome. A shout out to my Internet homie in Poland. Who are you?
Well, once I realized people were actually reading this I decided to take a slightly less fart around attitude and write an actual article type thing. I've decided to address's advice columns. One advice website in particular. If you hop around the Internet and use your noodle you might be able to put two and two together. This site makes me want to poke my eyeballs out with shrimp forks, if you don't know what website I'm referring to, consider yourself lucky and enjoy the free advice.

Honest to Dawg!
My new advice column!!!! Aka Life Advice aka the ‘Menz’. Things to try:
Wear stained underwear on a first date. Guess what? If you take it off he WON’T GIVE A SHIT IF IT’S DIRTY. If you keep it on he’ll never know it’s stained. So you know, WHO GIVES A CRAP?! A real life boy told me this and when I said, 'really?!' he looked at me like I was insane.
Burp and or ‘accidently’ fart on a date. Guess what, he’s done these things too. And if he runs away or gets grossed out you should try one of two things 1. Date a grownup 2. Be happy that the universe has removed one more horrible shallow man from getting in the way of finding the manz who will love and respect you for who you are.
3. Smile, laugh, say, “I disagree” when he says something you disagree with. He will.
4. Compliment one girl every day on something other than her a. hair, b. outfit, c. boyfriend. Oh, that has nothing to do with man related things.
5. If you go to the gym or have a gym membership take the New Yorker or a book and a bag of chips. Read and eat them while sitting on the bike machine. Then take a shower and go home.
6. Sing out loud in your car while stuck in freeway traffic. If you are next to someone smoking, role down your window and ask for a cigarette.
7. Wear makeup if you want don’t wear it if you don’t. Meh, who cares? Treat yourself to a chocolate shake from In N Out instead. It will bring more pleasure than a forty dollar anti wrinkle cream, you crazy baby faced twenty something weirdo!!!!

Myths about boys/men:
That they are boneheaded babies
That they ‘don’t get it.’ Bullshit.
That they mature slower than us- not so, we don’t hold them to a high enough standard.

Don’t wreck yourself for a slimeball. If he doesn’t see you now no amount of ‘how to snag a guy’ advice will bring you into focus. Also, never let a big fat sexist man named Greg Behrendt tell you that again. I've just absolved him of his good will gesture on our behalf and will tell you this for free. Thank you Greg, we got the memo, now go away.

George Bush isn’t dumb. George Bush is evil. We’ve been too kind.

If you follow these rulz, it might take awhile for you to find a ‘proper’ manz, but that leads us to the most important part: THATS OKAY. Learn to be happy alone. You’re going to wind up alone someday anyway, even if you win the hetero life lottery and it’s blissful, the human heart drifts and wanders into dark and shallow currents, you need to learn to face sadness head on. You might find that it’s not that bad and in fact empowering. As Julio said on the Biggest Loser before he got packed up and shipped back home ‘I used to make fun of those people that picked the fatty things off their plates, but there’s a certain strength in it.”

Don’t take advice from blog advice columns. Especially shallow nineteen fifties blog advice columns disguised as edgy hip blog advice columns. You’re smarter than that.

Also, I'm vain, narcissistic, moralistic, insecure, preachy, condescending and need to take all of my own advice. Read this with a grain of salt.

I love you, Nikki.

Not really, I don’t really love you at all, I don’t really know you, well some of you I’m sure. Maybe I love like two percent of you, but who cares. You love you. That’s what really matters.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

"I believe in messages"

Artist and feminist icon Nancy Spero has passed away. She will be missed.
What's amazing about Nancy's work is that she inspired so many creative and political people, even those that didn't/don't consider themselves visual artists. For instance she inspired my undergrad mentor Ann Snitow, who of all my professors had the greatest impact on my education and who I chose to be, not just a writer, but a writer with a purpose. Ann's writing is academic but it shines with the polish of someone inspired by other fields and is punctuated with broad imagery that can be traced to her love of visual arts and visual mediums. It's all connected. Ann was greatly impacted by Nancy, I was greatly impacted by Ann. And so, in a real way, it matters, every day how we act and treat one another. It is a simple human truth. RIP Nancy.
Read Jessica Hopper's beautiful obit on her blog by clicking here

"A pioneer of feminist art, Nancy Spero’s work since the 1960s is an unapologetic statement against the pervasive abuse of power, Western privilege, and male dominance. Executed with a raw intensity on paper and in ephemeral installations, her work often draws its imagery and subject matter from current and historical events such as the torture of women in Nicaragua, the Holocaust, and the atrocities of the Vietnam War."
ps, this post was not intended to be preachy or moralistic, but rather to show my great appreciation for the circle of knowledge that I have been privileged to encounter. When I make statements like 'it all matters' I'm talking to myself as well, someone who easily gets caught up in the petty day to day. Sometimes I need to remember to take a step back, relax, breathe and be grateful for what I've been given.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Drive Your Chevrolet into the San Francisco Bay

Halloweenie house!

So hey, lookie here, it's fall, or autumn or whatever you prefer to call it. All I know is that my landlord came over today to fix my heater and now it's all snug and cozy in my house. I haven't been taking pics lately cos I just haven't been feeling it. So here's a smattering of some things I've done lately, but really this isn't an accurate portrait of how I've been spending my time. One thing I did regret not bringing my camera to was last night at The Raincoats. They were amazing. Cathy flipped out in a good way, kind of how I did when we went to see Grace Jones this summer. Sascha was equally enthralled and I had secret shame about the fact that of the many musical influences of Kurt Cobain, Daniel Johnston was the one album I decided to buy in high school. Not that there's anything wrong with DJ, I love him still and am definitely in the 'he's a genius' camp, but that I wasn't drawn to the girl groups he really pumped alot. But that 'Hi how are you?' shirt was so compelling! I mean, besides the Pixies, but I didn't need KC to tell me about them, I mean, I DID go to HS in the 90's. I do love the Raincoats now though but was definitely late to the party, as I told CDLC, I was a BIG ASS STONER in high school and a pyschobilly punk. My tastes diverged a bit from the politically correct. I mean as soon as I understood how to use the internet and ebay, the first things I bought were a bootleg video of GNR at the Whisky in 1986 which I promptly gave away to Jim Greco when I was 20 because i was an idiot- thats right, I was late to alot of parties, the internet included. u can ask anyone who knows me about my social retardation with technology, again i don't think i can stress enough when i say, BIG STONER- and a rare Sub Pop Soundgarden LP, Hands All Over, which I still have. Basically I listened to Led Zeppelin, The Misfits and Tom Petty. What can I say? I live for a good guitar solo. I mean guitar solos are what really really do it for me. Long, convoluted, winding, psychotic, head exploding, mind expanding, stoney baloney guitar solos. I LOVE GUITAR. I am gonzo for the solo. But back then I still loved the Pretenders, PJ Harvey, Op Ivy, the B52's, and Patti Smith. It wasn't all that bad. In any event. Girl Power.

Wounded Lion at Eagle Rock Music Festival

Eileen at Machine

The Eileen and Maggie Nelson reading at China Art Objects

Hedi's cute face.

The amazing show at Workspace that Katie curated.

ps, sunday i had brunch with my dad- and by brunch i mean the ihop on fig cos were classy like that- and we discussed gentrification in highland park where i live. and i said, 'yeah, alot of kids are moving into the neighborhood, it's crazy' and he said 'by kids do you mean people your age?' and i said, 'yeah' and he says 'I hate to break it to you but you're an adult, nicole. when i was twenty-nine i owned a business, a house and your sister was 10.' oh man, shut down by my own dad. actually, thats been happening my whole life. but shut down for all the right reasons. im a man baby!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Rainbow Arabia

I've recently been obsessed with Mood, Haw Lin's blog. My only criticism of his site is that he is too obsessed with boobs and artsy fartsy fashion mags. I like them too but theres only so many anorexic girls taking off polo shirts and wearing timberlands or wrapped in gauzy crap I can stand. I decided to make my own. It was incredibly theraputic and fun. Aesthetics is a game i can play all day.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009