Wednesday, December 16, 2009

All with the Morrissey lyrics and all-

So I've been feeling rather emo today, yes I said it. Whatever. It's been sort of gloomy. I saw Sam and Saehee at school and that was nice, my class had it's final session and all my students seemed relived to be on their Holiday way. Sometimes our heads get too big, sometimes we get busy, sometimes we get lazy. But, I hurt someone I love very much recently and it's been hanging on me like a dingy poo on my cats butt. I can't shake it. I tried to apologize but no matter what I say, I was wrong and deserve to stew in my own shittyness. I've been sort of lame to a couple other people in my life as well.
Also, another close friend of mine is in Europe and we parted on a funny note, not bad, just funny, and I missed her so terribly today I felt like crying. I wanted to look at fashion blogs on her iphone or share a cup of tea. I hope you are well and having fun. I know you're going to have a terrific time. I got dressed up tonight in a fashiony outfit and took photos on my mac book for you. I wish you were here.
I felt sort of fugs and yucks all day, being a semi half way decent looking girl doesn't mean you don't feel insecure, obviously, but actually, sometimes it leads to an insane amount of vanity and insecurity, which is maddening and embarrassing all at the same time. I read a blog today that I hate, the kind of thing I read alot when I was in high school. Before we met, I was body obsessed, face obsessed, completely living in a state of physical paranoia. I am glad I'm not like that anymore, all the time. But some things are hard to shake. I wish sometimes I could be a better person.