So, Athena has left, and i feel a little floaty and not centered. Even though having someone in your space is difficult, when they leave its weird too, i folded the couch back up and the room feels big. my cats found all their cat toys and they are happy. i miss athena.
after a slow morning of getting myself together so I can write, and not for this blog but for the job that actually pays me- i still haven't started- I decided to surf the net for a bit with my towel on my head like a genie and let my fingers do the work of lazy pilgrims, picking and taking what they please as i let my lazy butt air dry. Granted morning net surfing always feels a little dirty to me, sort of like tv watching in the afternoon when the sun is out- i have weird things like this- i just wasn't ready to start my day yet, i stumbled upon some blogs that shall remain nameless that made me very sad. they are private blogs like mine, not gawker, or jezebel or any other business owned blog, but blogs by girls who just started blogs to show their lives or express some ideas and tell the world a thing or two, all great things. unfortunately the things they choose to focus on really bummed me out. and im not judging or trying to cast a moralistic finger or say, 'you are a woman this is how you should feel, you should be outraged every time you leave the house!' wag wag wag in your face- but sometimes i think i forget that because all of my close friends are feminists, even if they are not self identifying, by virtue of how they live their lives, I assume that we have come to a sort or collective understanding as women that things are not equal and that the fight is not only not over, but has just begun. to read a blog of someone who lives in the same city as me, is not in my personal close social circle but i could definitely play a short game of kevin bacon with and connect to socially through one or two people, in which how you can make yourself a more attractive/appealing person to the opposite sex for no other reason than snagging that man, smacks me of so many different kinds of whats the point? I'm not pointing out one person or one blog, but attitudes about identity should be changing, CHANGE, remember guys? November wasn't that long ago. I read fashion mags, I shave my legs, i judge other girls sometimes too based on things they do out of insecurity or anxiety or whateves- its not cool- i wax my eyebrows and read d-listed, i am NOT perfect, but i think a level of self awareness and self kindness is in order and i feel as though if you truly want to snag the right man, you need to snag the right you and hopefully by the time you find some kind of inner peace and love for yourself, your goals might have changed. I'm talking to myself to guys. We all need to remember who we are.
An internet exchange I had with Jessica, I am really blessed to know super women like her that i get to exchange ideas with-
I think the other thing about Hipster Grifter is that she told people she was dying, but I think the truly seditious thing is that she traded on being like a walking-talking-fucking Vice Magazine readers dream come to life. Skeezy, little, tatted up, hot-ish.
So many things. First, I think we
actually disagree about hipster grifter. I think the fact that she
lied about cancer is awful and telling of her low down and bile
inducing personality and lord knows i would never ever want to know
this girl, but I find there something truly RIGHT and WONDERFUL and
FITTING and karmaesqe about who she chose to "grift" - whatever that
fucking means. It was as if god constructed the perfect weapon to take
out the self involved, misogynistic, mostly idiot population that is
Williamsburg and it's machine cog of banality and uselessness. As
someone who lived there, there is a definite energy of entitlement
and, as we discussed earlier, Vice-esque bro-ness that lives on those
streets. Like, it's dirty playboy, or Hustler. A new outfit for an old
game. It's basically a bunch or prom queens and football players
dressed up as characters from Pretty In Pink. I know your not a
Hillary lova but some of the most sexist disgusting things i read
about her during the election were posted on free williamsburg and
brooklyn vegan. just horrible shit. Wearing tight pants doesn't mean
you aren't a fucking misogynist- Ninjasonik case in point-
ANYWAY, I think it's wonderful that she embraced all those gross
stereotypes and used them as her weapon of choice. Weather she has
this level of self awareness or not i feel is almost irrelevant. She
exposed something empty and shallow about a group of self important
individuals who fancy themselves- not all, but many times- as more
enlightened than others. I know she hurt real people and thats f-d up.
But it's too delicious for me. Had she just been some random blah
chick it would have been less awesome. Like that movie Dentata, I was
sooo bummed that the chicks vagina grew teeth AFTER she was raped.
Like I wish that a 'slut' or 'ho' or a prostitute would have had
vagina teeth. Just because, because why the fuck not? Does the world
really need some reason for a vagina to not like/attack dicks? Virgins
aren't the only ones who get hurt or need to protect themselves or who
fucking give a shit about your dick. You being the universal you, not
YOU Jessica, obviously.
After I took Athena to the airport i spent the day relaxing and unwinding. i read mags in cathy's wonderful back yard and we talked about sasha grey- dooooont get me started, and then i went to sarahs where she had baked a delicious loaf of bread and then we walked burger by the river. the photo of the mushrooms is for kate.