Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The BoneYard

So hey, to carry over a few themes from yesterday, I'm just gonna give it to you straight. If you're lazy, a minuscule amount of sarcastic, love music, know what terminology such as 'wave' 'post' 'no' fuzzed out' 'wah wah' and other stoopid phrases mean, sometimes in that order or mixed up, for instance you can put em in a bag and shake it up and pull em out and get 'no wave' that one's easy and for beginners, or what about, 'post wah wah', or something truly stoopid like, 'psychedelic fuzzed pop meanderings.' That one is a personal fave, but really WTF does it MEAN? I sure as hell don't know but I write it alot and people publish it. If any of this sounds vaguely appealing to you, you should try to be a rock critic. Sure no on knows when the Weeklies will hit the bucket - the legalization of weed though has made them momentarily flush, in California at least- and you don't get paid that much, but really are you getting paid that much now? You're young, upwardly mobile, you belong to the privileged class- not privileged in terms of finances, you could be on public assistance and poor as fuck, I mean, you know how the ladder works to the finer humidified air, or you wouldn't be reading this, and if you don't, get thee to a community college and just KEEP MOVING FORWARD- p.s, persistence and credit cards will be your staff and shield-, but I digress. The best part is if you go to grad school like I am you can get a Masters and live on student loans until you find a job teaching at community college, which will be easier to get if you are getting published on a semi regular basis. This could be the job for you. Cos seriously, I'm in a bikini top on my couch in my house with the AC on eating leftover grapes from my reading and doing research on Nobunny and GETTING PAID. I'm on youtube, watching Nobunny jump around. And when I'm stuck I hop on Facebook and look at boys I have crushes on. Currently there are three. Did you really think I had a bone for just one dood? It's a BONEYARD! Get those resumes together, start lying about where you've been published, no one checks that shit, and start your brand new career. But here's the secret, the part that does matter, if you don't have this, you might got nothin, YOU HAVE TO LOVE MUSIC. That shit you cant fake, but if you've got that then you've got everything.
Oh yeah, you get in to shows for free. Helloooooo?!
I mean seriously, look at how awesome this is.

psps, if you feel confident singing or playing an instrument and jumping around, then fuck this shit BE Nobunny. That's where the real gold is at. Again, I mean metaphorically. I'm pretty sure whoever Nobunny is, he eats his share of gross gas station jerkies and spends most of his life pissing beside his van on some yellow dried up highway, but he's FREE.