Sunday, February 14, 2010

I Choo Choo Choose You

Get a room, assholes.

Being single is amazing because you have the freedom to make your choices and fully own them.

Because you can go to the movies alone. This is not underhanded, this is true and amazing. If you have never gone to the movies alone, GO. I actually don't like going to the movies with other people. They make me late, never want to sit where I want to sit and ruin that movie twilight that happens after the film ends and you walk back into the world. They always say, 'what did you think?' i don't know yet. 'Man, that sucked.' I didn't think so. 'I'm starving let's eat.' did i just watch that movie alone?
It is the single greatest self treat after going to your favorite restaurant on a day of playing work/school hooky and reading the New Yorker or some great getaway of a book, alone. That, is just decadent goodness.

You can, in the words of the great Hedwig, 'fuck who you please and do what you choose.'

Decorating your apartment just because is only fun when you are single.

Dancing with your girlfriends till you're sweaty and exhausted and ready to drop dead. Dancing might be my favorite activity in the world actually. Oh, you didn't know I dance? well, yes I do, I tear a fucking floor up.

Dive into a creative and artistic project with determination and focus. Getting things done when you're in a relationship is impossible. Truly, horribly impossible.

No drama. Seriously, why do we all think being hooked up is a good idea? Most of the time were miserable and insecure.

People who are in love are annoying and stupid and are clouded with delusion. You can be smug and know that you're right. Seriously, someone should explain to lovebirds that no one actually cares to listen to you yammer on about what troubles your loved one, or you, or you and your loved one or how much you love them. It's selfish, they have eyeballs and man, have a little self respect. Truly, pull yourself together. It's the opposite of cute.

Breaking up sux and when you're single, you don't have to break up, but you know that every one of your friends who isn't, will. lts a horrendous hurdle to climb and when it's time to climb it, it will be hell. And lets be honest, they're not getting married.

You get to find the strength within yourself to be with yourself. That is the true test of a man or woman. And besides, how can the right someone get to know you if you don't know yourself?

This person is out there and they probably won't be your forever person, but they will be the right person for when you find them. Do yourself a favor, quit looking.

You can cut your hair short, stay up late, experiment with weird outfits, watch movies on your couch with a tub of Ben a Jerry's all snuggled up. You can fart alone in your own bed. You can garden and volunteer at the pound. You can do these things when you're in a relationship too, but they're more fun when you're single.

Besides, you don't want to be one of those people that everyone feels sorry for because they can't be alone. Being single shows the world that you're not your mom or a tampon ad from the 60's, being single says you don't give a fuck about what the world thinks you should be or do, being single is empowering and punk rock, being single is the bomb.

Valentines is a bag of dicks. Go out and suck one. Viva You!